I am a social person.
I can talk. In fact, I talk way too much. I’m known in my circle of friends as the crazy, funny, dramatic one.
But deep down, I am buttoned up.
I am a quiet, timid young girl with a fear of rejection.
Yes, a fear of rejection. I’m constantly tempted to worry about someone telling me “no”.
I don’t want to believe that I’m not good enough.
I don’t want to hear that I am doing something wrong.
See, it’s really easy to tell your friends that you love people and embrace being an extrovert. It’s really easy to tell it to yourself as well. But when it’s time to reach out and talk to the community, it’s a whole ‘nother ball field.
Last week my church hosted Backyard Bible Club at our local park. We passed out fliers to neighborhoods nearby to spread the word. The problem was, we had to hand these fliers to actual people. I clammed up as soon as I had to speak to strangers. I was afraid that they wouldn’t take a mere piece of paper. I was afraid they’d tell me “no”.
A few days ago, I had tag day for my softball tournaments. In case you are unfamiliar with tag day, it’s a day where you sit outside of a store and ask strangers to support your cause. You can probably picture how my fear of rejection applied in this situation. I was afraid that people would tell me “no”. I was scared that they would ignore me.
This is something that I desperately struggle with, and this is the first time I’ve really brought it into light. I want to show you all how Christ can take an awkward child like me and shape her into something beautiful.
God is using my weird quirks and flaws. He wants me to surrender this “rejection fear” to Him. He knows that I am too far from perfect and that I’ll never measure up to Him. Even though He knows this, He still loves and cherishes us. This amazes me every day.
I’m not sure what my future holds, but I believe that God is preparing my heart to talk to the world. It’s a crazy thing to believe that God is going to use you for what you’re scared of now. I constantly remind myself that God knows what He’s doing. I feel God pushing me more and more to reach out to my community.
As I’ve said, this is something I really struggle with. It’s an ugly thing about me. But I’ll never be able to express how thrilled I am that God is going to use it for something incredible.
This same situation applies to you. God is going to use your flaws for something amazing. If that doesn’t make you excited, what will?